Every spring I get the urge. The deep clean urge. The kind that hits you when the sun comes back through the windows and suddenly illuminates every corner of the house in a way that makes you realize you have been managing the situation rather than addressing it.
I announced spring cleaning. My daughter looked at me like I had suggested we do something deeply unreasonable.
'We as in — you and me?' Yes. We as in you and me. 'Together?' Together. She processed this. 'The whole apartment?' The whole apartment.
She did not run. I respect this.
We started with her room, which was a strategic error on my part because the hour we spent in there could have filled its own blog post. Every item she touched required a full deliberation. Every piece of paper was potentially important. Every piece of clothing needed to be tried on before a decision could be made. I stood in the doorway and breathed through my nose and said 'yes' and 'no' and 'that has been on the floor since November' at appropriate intervals.
We moved to the kitchen. This was better. She is actually good at organizing small spaces and she has opinions about where things should go that are sometimes different from mine but are not wrong. I let her reorganize the lower cabinets her way. She was delighted. The cabinets look great.
We spent four hours on the apartment. It is clean in a way it has not been since before the holidays. There is a light in the living room now that used to be blocked by things that no longer live there.
She flopped on the couch at the end and said: 'That was actually kind of satisfying.' She was trying not to say that. It came out anyway. I did not react. I simply said: 'It does feel good, doesn't it.' She said: 'I'm not doing this every week.' I said: 'Twice a year is fine.' She accepted this.
Negotiation. It is always negotiation. But she helped. She did a real job. She is learning that a home is a shared responsibility and that contribution feels better than opting out.
That lesson cost me four hours and some mild cabinet-arrangement opinions. Worth it.
Buckle up, buttercup. Bring them in. Let them help. Let them have opinions about the lower cabinets. They will surprise you.